After this traumatic event, we decided we wanted to get back together and forget what happened. I knew it was going to be a challenge, but I was willing to do whatever it took in order to make that relationship to work. So I took a first step and started going to therapy so I could deal with my anxiety. Not knowing that months later that would be the main reason I would break up with this guy.

I scheduled my first appointment, felt really good after it and just kept going throughout the weeks. I was having some issues at work that were giving me a lot of anxiety and didn’t see that my relationship was actually a mess. But once I quit my job, I could start seeing how manipulated and emotionally abused I was being.

The first red flag I can remember was that after getting a snapchat of a friend that lived in Detroit and rolling my eyes, he accused me of being with him for travel interests (since we were planning the trip to Europe I mentioned in the article before). I know, it doesn’t make any sense. But as an independent woman, traveling the world since I was 23 years old with my own money, I felt really angry and offended and told him I needed no man to go places, I could travel anytime I wanted and attempted to leave his house before he apologized and asked me not to leave. – He was testing his limits, and realized he was not there yet.

After the 911 event, he justified every insecurity related to me lying about the kiss and the flowers, even after infinite tries to help him to get over it. But things started to get a little rough. I remember one day we were lying on his bed watching TV and he got up, grabbed a shirt that was on the floor and went to the bathroom. I thought that was a bit weird, why would he need that shirt? So I realized my phone was not on the floor where it put it. He returned and put the shirt back on where it was AND SURPRISE MY FRIENDS, my phone was back.

ATTENTION HERE: I questioned him and asked if he took my phone and he swore he didn’t, quickly changing the subject saying he was going to be really happy if I moved in with him.

Later in that year, we had a wedding to go out of town and he booked a hotel for a night. During the wedding party he drank a lot and we decided to go dancing, after a few songs he suddenly left me alone on the dance floor and disappeared. I could tell he was already drunk. So I went back to our table for a while, saw him talking to a few people and ignored him for a little bit, until he caught later on that night getting out of the bathroom and questioned my behavior. We argued for a little bit and I said I was upset that he left me dancing alone without any explanation.

His answer was: Maybe you should get a new boyfriend!

I was really upset, said bye to the groom and bride and left the party. Back at the hotel, I took my shoes off and decided to go to bed, just to be woken up by him a few minutes later and guess what? He thought I was sleeping and took my phone to the bathroom with him. I was really shocked, but this time I had a Tile device and called my phone from my key-chain so he couldn’t lie this time. He confessed he took my phone the first time and said he didn’t trust me at all. Hurt, I grabbed my stuff and was planning to leave on that night, but he made change my mind. How? I don’t know, friends, he just did. I stayed the night, since I was 140 miles away from home and woke up the next morning with his apologies. And again he blamed it on the fact I lied about the kiss and the flowers that had happened. It would have been almost a year that had happened.

I booked a visit to my therapist and she said what I already suspected, he was using the only resource he had against me to justify his filthy actions.

In the meantime, he would play with my feelings. Knowing me for a while, he knew exactly how to bother me. He would make me jealous on purpose by hanging out with girls that would have a crush on him and play the victim when I questioned, would ignore me in front of his friends while treating me very well when we were by ourselves, creating the feeling I was being jealous even of his friends. He would lie about something and tell me a complete different story later or tell me he said something that he didn’t and make me question my own sanity.

I was manipulated, gaslighted, emotionally, mentally and physically abused to the point my mind and body couldn’t handle anymore. And I exploded. More than one time. Loud fights, sleepless nights, extreme anxiety and anger. I felt that all the therapy, medication, meditation, yoga and exercise I was doing would making me feel better, but once I went back home to him it was like I was being cured and going back to what was hurting me. So I never got better.